Tears are flowing as reality penatrates our hearts.
Natalia (Leah) will never be our daughter, or Christopher's sister.
Christopher is sobbing.
The baby we have loved for it seems like always, has been adopted by another AIP family.
It is so hard to:
comprehend how this could have happened.
keep the anger at bay.
watch our son so hurt.
deal with this major disappointment rationally.
not let the wounded child in us act out.
not feel foolish for trusting in Orson.
realize that resigning from a job I loved was probably now, a big mistake
have faith.
trust God has a plan.
It is hard to pray when one doesn't know what to pray for.
So I ask God to fill my heart and my mouth with the words necessary to comfort my child and my husband.
I feel a major responsibility to both my husband and son to somehow comfort their pain.
I feel inadequate and vulnerable.
I decide to pray for Gods mercy and wisdom.
I struggle thru my own emotional turmoil to converse with God about my son, his pain and our situation.
My attempts at prayer are interrupted as my mind wanders to the Sapps in Ust Kamenogorsk.
I try and imagine how they must be feeling knowing now, that they have adopted our referral.
I know they experienced this same emotional pain not long before they travelled to Kazakhstan.
They too lost referrals.
I dont want them to feel anything but joy in the birth of their family and the miracle that has been granted to them.
It was then, when I began thinking of others(the Sapps) the revelation came to me.
Upon entering the Christmas Season I could pray that we the Young's be like Mary, mother to Jesus.
Let it be done unto us and accept this pain trusting God has a plan for us.
We can accept this unanswered prayer even though we do not understand it.
We can use this life lesson to teach our child faith, and trust clarity will come.
Little did I know back then, this conscious decison to trust in God would be the beginning of many miracles we were to experience on our journey to adopting our daughter Leah.
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