We Need a Home Study NOW

So now we have a daughter and in preparation of her arrival, instead of MD appointments, vaginal exams and pre natals we make an appointment with a social worker. A social worker recommended by AIP. Phyllis LaBella located in Manhattan. A mere 45 minute drive(IF there is no traffic lol) to her office in the NYC. We plan to make a day of it and celebrate with having dinner out after our appointment. We are so naive to this process and have no idea what the home study is all about.
We walk into her Manhattan office excited to know we are that much closer to bringing our daughter, baby 749 home. We are early for our appointment and take a seat in Phyllis's reception room. It is small,clean and well manicured. As we are waiting we begin talking and realize we are very unprepared for this home study interview. Just as this realization comes over the both of us, the door to the inner office opens and we are greeted by Phyllis LaBella. After a brief introduction we are escorted into her office which looks just like a comfortable living room. A warm comfortable living room with a plush carpeted floor, beautifully painted walls, room accents and lighting conducive to producing an environment of trust and safety. We take our seat on a comfortable soft sofa, the type that when you sit puts you even closer to the person who sits next to you. Phyllis sits on an adjacent lovely arm chair with a dark wooden table and floor lamp that provided soft lighting. With steno pad in hand the interview begins. Phyllis is very good at what she does and her years of experience are evident as she begins with what I call the pre nuptials. Generic information to begin the base of our home study that will be read by the people who decide if we are worthy to adopt a child and also some day by the daughter we adopt. Ages, dates of birth, places of birth. Right at the outset of our interview we are in delicate territory. Birth, you see Chris my husband was adopted. He knows intimately the emotions that our daughter will feel and follow her through her entire life. A probing of these emotions begins. I sit and listen to his response of the questions Phyllis asks. He is comfortable, confident and articulate. He has a strong sense of who he is, and that he loves, (was and is loved by) his adoptive parents. He talks about his biological Mother and discusses the "search". He reveals his private intentions of someday actively searching but does not want to search while his parents are alive. He has had the normal thoughts of adoptee's wondering about what she looks and the why's of her life. The, do I have siblings and what about my father questions. And then he says, the reality of a wonderful life pushes those thoughts back to the recesses of his being so as not to waste time thinking and not living. As the interview proceeds I secretly fall in love with Chris all over again as he reveals to this perfect stranger his innermost vulnerability in the quest to adopt our daughter.
After the pre nups it on to the main event. The reality of who we are individually and then as a couple. Childhood up bringing and experiences. Family life, struggles,issues,divorces,siblings,conflicts,resolutions and coping sills. There was no subject that was ta bu. Discussions about our son, his personality, his school work and our parenting style with him. Religious beliefs and discipline each examined to see if we were united in our thought processes.
After an intense emotional soul searching 90 minute interview the first meeting of our home study is complete. Phyllis enjoyed our story and our perspective of our lives. She seems genuinely excited for us and expresses to us that she is honored to be a part of our adoption. She will document a positive recommendation about our ability to adopt and parent another child. Chris and I express our sincere thanks and share with Phyllis the referral photo's we have of our daughter baby 749. Much like a grandmother she gazes at her picture and then looks up at us and says "this child is very lucky to be adopted by parents like you".
We again thank her for helping us. We write a check for partial payment and Phyllis tells us the report should be done in a couple of weeks, after which we will have a meeting in our home for the completion of our home study. We say our goodbyes and out the door we go.
At dinner that evening we re hash the interview that just took place and the ramifications of the outcome had we not had a relationship built on love, mutual respect and common goals. It dawns on us again how ill prepared we were for this very personal question and answer session. However we celebrate the fact our marriage and our relationship passed the test of a stranger probing some of the most emotionally vulnerable areas we as individuals and as a married couple have.
We share a toast to loving each other even more than we did 17 years ago on our wedding day. We realize how much we have grown as people and as parents.We are excited that our dream of having a daughter is but a paper chase away.

We interrupt this blog!!

For those of you who are following this rewind of our adoption story, and for new comers who have heard about our story and are reading our blog for the first time I will be making a few changes to the beginning of this blog.
As I posted in the beginning of this blog, it will be a "living blog with a story that is continuing to unfold"
Because a future chapter has taken place, which I will share with you all at the appropriate time, I am making a conscious decision to voluntarily remove the medical card and all photos of baby 749 out of respect.
My intention for this blog is to tell our story in the hopes it will provide insight and educate future adoptive parents about some of the dangers of International adoption along with the miracles that can and do occur.
If my efforts can save one family from the pain we suffered and puts one unethical adoption agency on notice then the time spent writing this story will not be in vain.
And now back to our story

Less than 24 Hours Later

 
 

 
This email came less than 24 hours later. The ink barely had time to dry on the documents and check we had sent Fed Ex the previous day. However the pictures of our daughter are still fresh in our minds, and each detail of her existence is being inscribed on our hearts. We took that leap of faith. We read the fee schedule, we knew the cost. Our love for her is blind, so we were oblivious to the inevitable heart break that waited for us. We obtained the cash and carefully followed Orson's instructions believing we would be that much closer to her and along in the process. We were so naive. Bringing that much cash to the supermarket (which is where this particular Western Union office was located) felt so odd. This day and age who in their right mind sends that much cash to someone in another country that they have never even laid eyes on or spoken to. Adoptive parents do, and we are glad to. Our child is waiting for us, and we for them.

We Feel Life… As The Seeds Of Hope Are Planted…

After seeing that baby 749 is no longer available to the world, Christopher and I turn our attention to the pictures we were sent by Orson. We gaze at each picture of her, just like families peering through the window to the newborn nursery seeing their newest family member for the first time. We are falling in love. Her face is round and pale with sad blue eyes, and we begin to plan how we are going to make her smile.
She is tiny in her crib and we notice her clothes are inside out. She obviously has no diaper on.
We wonder about her life so far. Is she held and loved and kissed? Is she told how special she is? Does she go to sleep in comfort, dry and warm and satisfied? We review her medical card again. Its information is so foreign to our way of thinking. Her mother, just 23 years of age, abandoned her precious baby after 5 months. Police act of bringing the abandoned child. Snippets of information as to who our child is and from where she came. We have so many questions, but only one answer. Yes we love her!
And so the new waiting begins.
When Chris gets home from work a few hours after our Fed Ex meeting he joins us at the computer and looks at her pictures. This adoption for him, has begun and with probably many of the same emotions his parents had in preparation to receive him as their son so many years ago. A unique bond that he will share with his daughter is forming. We are all in awe of the events of the day. Each of us in our own way commits to this innocent baby girl. Our hearts have all accepted her as ours. We continue to talk about her through dinner and bedtime. We know every day from this day forward she will be part of our lives. A daughter and a sister have been born into our family.

FedEx Express May 20th 2005

I can remember this day as if it were yesterday. I liken the experience to conception except however during International Adoption conception, all physical, conscious and emotional impulses are happening in the acute stage of now as opposed to subtle biological conception which takes place quietly from within.
This morning started out much like the morning before except the Young family knew before days end we would be taking a huge leap of faith. We prayed together that morning during breakfast that God would be with us on our journey to baby 749. We prayed that trusting Orson Mozes was the right thing to do. We prayed for baby 749 that she could feel us wanting and loving her from afar. We began talking about her as though she had been here from the beginning.
So after Chris and Christopher left for work and school it was my job to go to the bank and get the check we needed to adopt our daughter.
I prayed all day that we were making the right decision. I vacillated between being thrilled our adoption journey was beginning and nervous about the impact having another child in our lives would have. A gamut of thoughts continued throughout the day as I played each scenario I could conceive of in my conscious brain . The what ifs of taking a chance with your heart and the heart of the son you adore.
The plan is, I pick Christopher up at school and Dad will meet us at Fed Ex to say one more prayer together and one last chance to talk about any uncertainty before we send the contract and bank check.
Our timing this day was perfect as we managed to arrive at the Fed Ex building parking lot at the exact same time. Dad jumps into the car and we are all smiling simultaneously. There is no question as to what we all want to do. We take a vote and it is unanimous. We all place our hands on the fed ex envelope and again ask God to protect and guide us on this journey. We all discuss again the fact that what we are doing is a risk. However we conclude, this is what life is all about RISKS.
We seal the envelope and all of us accompany it to the Fed Ex counter. The lady behind the counter is unaware of the precious dream she holds in her hand.She places the envelope on the scale, checks the label, prints off the receipt and tells us to have a good day.
We walk out of Fed Ex and sprint to the car. We are laughing and hugging and hurried. Dad asks "hey where you guys going so fast"? We tell him home. Dad asks "why so fast"? Dad, Orson said once we send him the tracking number on our Fed Ex within 15 minutes he would take baby 749 off the photo listing. We have to get to the computer ASAP.
Christopher and I are giddy in the car all the way home. We run into the house and boot up the computer. We email Orson our tracking number and we wait, pacing the computer room much like an expectant family waiting for the news. We are watching the clock and 15 minutes seems like 15 days. When the time finally lapses we check our email and find from Orson, more referral photos and the medical card of "your child". We then look at the Adopting.com web sight and find Orson has been true to his word. Baby 749 is not there. Orson has firmly placed her into our hearts and lives.
 

We begin to hope...May 2005

A photo listing of an innocent child touches our lives as the possibility of adoption becomes a palpable hope. We call the provided references. Orson sent a page full of names and phone numbers of parents who were former clients. Each person I spoke with verified their experiences with AIP. Orson met their expectations and they were united with a child who filled their lives with great joy. We felt so confident because of the number of references on this particular email. Twenty six in total, aside from the success stories found on the AIP web sight. The mere number of references provided and the relative ease in contacting them added to our confidence in Mr Mozes. We were ready to take that "leap of faith."
This confidence now precipitated a new sense of urgency. We needed now to get the necessary funds together to have our baby taken off the photo listing. Twelve thousand eight hundred and fifty dollars. Where do we get that amount of money in a hurry????



Christopher, included in all of the discussions,research,emails and decisions to be made regarding this adoption, in all his innocence answer's that question in 3 words. Three words that give us a profound understanding of exactly how much he wants this child to be his sister. USE MY MONEY.....
 
We couldn't believe what he had said. Here he was 10 years old and yes he had that amount of money in the bank readily available. Christopher said Mom... Dad.. lets go tomorrow baby 749 is waiting for us and I am waiting for her.
Even Christopher as young as he was felt that urgency, that connection to this precious little girl who needed a family that would love her forever.
Christopher's generosity was to be proud of so, it was decided we would use his money. Money he earned, as he has been modeling since he was 3 years old and we taught him to save some,spend some and donate some. For now we permitted this donation.

The Call

And so I called Mr Orson Mozes with an excitement much like that of a woman waiting anxiously to see that line in the well turning positive. As I inquired about precious baby 749 and Orson began his speech he portrayed convincing confidence about how he could help us. Each question I asked was answered with an explanation that was both logical and believable.
So how does this all work Orson? The process is as follows. I send you our packet of information and agency contract. You sign on with us, return the contract and begin the collection of the required documents to build your dossier. This can be a lengthy process depending on many things both here in the USA and in Kazakhstan. After all the documents are collected and apostilled, we have your dossier translated and then submit it to the Ministries in Kazakhstan and wait for an LOI.
OK and about how long does this all take? The time varies. Our best estimates are 6-9 months before you travel.
Orson I have been watching baby 749 for almost 5 days, why is she still available? His reply went something like "I cant explain that Ann, we are also surprised she is still available."
Orson we would really like to adopt baby 749. Is that possible being we haven't even started the document collection yet.
Yes Ann it is possible. I can hold this child for you, after you pay our agency fee in full and accept baby 749 as your referral.
Orson how is that possible?
Ann I have a relationship with the Director of the Baby House and I have been doing adoptions there for 15 years. Baby 749 is my child so she will be held for my client.
Orson is this all legal? Absolutely Ann.
Our knowledge of International Adoption was based on what I read on the Internet and our discussions with the Newman's in Florida. From all that I had read, Orson sounded precise,professional and convincing.
Orson so what exactly do we have to do right now to adopt baby 749?
Each question I asked seemed to make the process of international adoption cold and businesslike. The excitement and mystery of a biological pregnancy obviously absent.
Ann in order for me to hold this child you first have to open a fed ex account in order to send your payment and signed contracts. We in turn will send out our embassy packet which will walk you though each document and how to obtain them. After you sign the contracts and place a certified check for the agency and application fee in a fed ex envelope and email me the tracking number, I will, with in 15 minutes remove baby 749 from the Internet photo listing and hold her for you.
So then that means she is ours. Yes she will be yours. The only circumstance that could possible happen after that would be if her biological mother came back to claim her. Then she would have the right to have her child back if her rights weren't already relinquished by the court. Also a family member could claim her and lastly if a native Kazakh citizen wanted to adopt her they have the first choice of available children. The circumstances I just described rarely occur. Mostly once a child enters the orphanage this is where they grow up unless they are adopted.
This is how adoptions are done in Kazakhstan.
OK so now tell me how much are the fee's. Well for baby 749 who is an infant just 6 months old, our total agency fee is 12,850.00. This includes the application fee.
So let me be clear on this. If we send you this fee and sign a contact with you baby 749 will be ours barring any of the above circumstance you mentioned.
His reply "absolutely". Orson what if the above does happen? Then what?
We find you another child similar to baby 749.
Orson I hope you don't take offense, I would like to speak to some of your former clients. Can you provide references?
Yes I can provide references. You can also read success stories on my web sight.
Orson I already did that, now I want to talk to clients.