What comforted and prepared us was the reading of online blogs, and communicating with others who had travelled before us. The information gleaned from the Internet really did pave our way. We read about what can and does occur, and formulated how best to deal with the unexpected twists and turns inherently indigenous to International Adoption, compounded especially by an unethical agency. The online blogs and PAP's were a life line. I vowed to be supportive and give back one day when I could. The retelling of our story I pray will shed some light on a road less travelled.
As our journey is retold in its entirety I share now my reasons for remaining silent.
July the 14, 2006, is a vivid memory as I blog our story with photos and all the details that culminated into our miracle.
As I ponder and document the events leading up to July 14th 2006, and see the precious faces of daughters I have loved along our journey, I remain thankful they will forever be chapters in Leah's adoption story. A story that reveals the miraculous chain of events which culminated in Leah becoming our daughter. Our lives have been forever changed and miraculous events have continued even today.
Each one of these precious babies lead the way to our daughter Leah. Seeing them together, and recapping each child's emotional impact and effect on our lives portrays the frame of mind we were in on July the 14th 2006. This truly is a story about faith and miracles.
Natalia- precious Natalia our first referral,
the child who we loved immediately after seeing her referral photo on Adopting.com. Natalia fueled our urgency to get through the paper chase and pay the fee's as quickly as possible because Orson Mozes lead us to believe (for close to six months) that was all we had to do in order to bring "your daughter" home. One can only imagine our shock at seeing the face of an older Natalia (now 12 months old) on the blog of the Sapp family who were in the process of adopting her. Emails and frantic phone calls to Orson produced lies when Orson assured us the baby on the Sapp's blog was "NOT your daughter". It was only after being told this lie that I emailed the Sapp's while they were in country to ask them to check on my Natalia. I rationalized and wanted to believe that our daughters just bore an uncanny resemblance. Once our communication with the Sapp's took place, and I emailed a picture of my Natalia to them in Ust, Orson had no choice but to admit they were the same child. To this day I wonder what Orson told the Sapps, and I am sad for the pain this event had on them during a time when joy should have been the only focus. Losing Natalia was devastating, yet the life lessons learned served to strengthen our faith. The accepting and realizing losing Natalia was an unanswered pray for us, brought with it the knowledge a miracle simultaneously occurred for Natalia and the family that had adopted her. Seeing our precious Natalia on the blog of another AIP family was an extremely shocking and painful turn of events. However our actions and reactions on that November day, we knew would have a profound effect on our then 11 year old son who was so excited about adopting Natalia and welcoming a baby sister into his heart and life. To teach our son how to constructively deal with this emotional loss, we knew we would be leading by example. Through tears I prayed for God to fill my aching heart with his wisdom. As we were going into the Christmas season God filled my mind with thoughts of Mary, and how faithfully she prayed "let it be done to me". This revelation gave us the strength to trust God completely, even through our pain. So we made a conscious decision to just "accept what had been done to us" and we gave thanks for the Sapp family miracle. In return we received the gift of faith renewed. Our broken hearts began to heal. Little did we know of the many miracles that would be revealed to us in the future.
The beginnings of closure came as we continued to watch and read the Sapp family miracle unfold on their blog. Seeing Natalia surrounded by a loving family was so comforting during this painful time in our adoption journey. Knowing Natalia's lonely days of insignificance were all but over, served to overshadow any remnants of residual pain from our loss. We could see and almost palpate the transformation in Natalia as she began feel her own specialness. Being loved and learning how to love back was easily recognized in the photos of each passing day of bonding. The realization Natalia days being institutionalized in an orphanage were over, produced a profound heart warming. Our eyes were opened as we witnessed the power of unconditional love.
While we believe the tactics Orson Mozes employed were both unethical,immoral and illegal, we also empathised with the Sapp family, and felt they too were victimized because of Orson's practices. Gaining knowledge during the adoption of your child, that another family from your own agency had your child as a referral cannot be easily dismissed, especially when one experienced first hand the emotional devastation of losing referrals also.
On my first blog I purposely omit the devastating loss of our first referral Natalia for 2 reasons. First our fear of repercussions from Orson Mozes during our adoption, and secondly because of the Sapps, after our adoption was complete. While we always felt Gods presence in this miracle, and shared our thoughts with the Sapps via email, we respected their privacy and prerogative and deliberately omitted the beginning of our adoption story on our first blog as mention of it would be some what of a surprise to the blogging community who have followed both our journeys. My thoughts and concerns at the time were for the Sapp family who knew intimately the details. In no way did I want them to feel anything but joy for their adoption and the miracle it was, and is. Because their adoption completed in Oct/Nov of 2005, 8 months before ours, I followed their lead as they never made a mention on their blog that Natalia had been another AIP families referral, or the way they came to find this fact out, or of the miracle we shared. While this was and is their prerogative, we believed God's will was so evident. God even used people like Orson Mozes to forfill his plan. This miraculous event, in my mind forever binds our daughters adoption stories. I can attest to the fact that God placed words into my hurting heart that communicated to the Sapps at the time that while we were devastated, we believed the Youngs received an unanswered prayer while the Sapps received a miracle. We were sincere in our congratulations and thankful to God for opening our eyes and hearts at this most painful time in our lives. Instead of feeling a prolonged pain and anger over our loss, we felt blessed to be a part of their miracle and witness the power of love in action in Natalia's life.
As a final act of closure I emailed all the referral photos we had of Natalia to the Sapps, as I knew how precious they would be to her and to them.
My original plan when I began my blog was to keep these miraculous events, which were the foundation of our adoption story private only because of the Sapps silence. As I rewind and retell this extraordinary story you will come to learn why I went public.
Marina- our second referral came to us via email in February 05.
Marina was one of two referrals Orson had sent us. Both babies were beautiful and the choosing now took on a new meaning. We felt uneasy now "choosing" a child, however we rationalized that adoption is a choice. So we listened to our hearts and chose Marina. We allowed ourselves to hope again. We began to build a dream again. We opened our hearts again. Albeit with distrust as a defense mechanism.
It was during this time that I spent even more time on the Internet searching for blogs of AIP families and anyone traveling to Ust Kamenogorsk to adopt a child.
I meet 2 more AIP families who are about to travel to Ust. One is Candy Bushouse and the other Amy McSpadden. Both of these women befriend us and keep us grounded and focused during the most difficult time of our journey.
Candy left for Ust first, in March 06, and after arriving in Almaty her region was changed. As you can see, her blog ended and so did my communication with her for over 9 weeks
http://candykaz.blogspot.com/ Michigan
Amy arrived in Ust in April 06, and she was instrumental in helping me find out about Marina as I sent Amy my referral photo.
http://themcspaddenfamily.blogspot.com/ Washington DC
Amy was able to locate Marina and was very hesitant to tell me what she had discovered as she knew about Natalia and our loss.
Marina was being adopted, and her parents who were from Ireland were there bonding at the same time as Amy.
Our faith is yet again tested as disappointment and hurt begin again. Because our information came through Amy, we couldn't go to Orson with what we had learned right away. We felt it necessary to wait until Amy's adoption was complete before calling Orson to task yet again. We asked Amy to get a photo if she could so we had palpable proof.
Waiting was agonizing, so I tried to push Orson into getting me an updated photo of Marina. He said that was not possible. I then asked him to just check on Marina and again he reassured me not to worry as "she would not be off the registry or available to be adopted until June". In my naivety, I thought if he checked on her he would discover what I knew. Marina was gone.
It was during this time I realized the perfection and perversion of Orson's crime. With an inability to corroborate any information Orson gave about incountry events and reasons referrals were lost, coupled with a deep seated desire to become parents, the fabricated excuses and lies that spontaneously fell off of Orson's tongue when called to task, just had to be accepted. Orson knew intimately that clients who would open their hearts to love an orphan, would in all probability recover from his lies as long as another child was available. Hence bait and switch kept money in the pipeline and its my opinion this was his only goal. He would stop at nothing to meet this objective and so far these practices made him a wealthy man. (Orson's success ultimately lead to the arrogance that would and did destroy him and AIP.)
Still I had to wait until Amy was home and her adoption complete before I confronted Orson a second time. We were signed sealed and delivered to Orson and AIP so we needed to not alienate Orson as of yet.
In the mean time I revisited Adopting.com and baby 1011 touched my heart. I decided when the time was right I would inquire about her.
So as the weeks past we plotted our next move and how best to handle Orson. It would serve no purpose to make him angry. We rehearsed what we would say to him when the time was right.
After Amy returned to the USA and I knew her adoption was granted, I confronted Orson with what I found out about Marina in a non confrontational way. At first he didn't believe me, and wanted to know how I got this information. After refusing to reveal my source, I firmly believe had I not been able to produce the photo proof, we would have been told that the mother came back. A lie that would have been un verifiable. However now with absolute proof of a second referral loss, Orson I believe, knew we had enough solid evidence to bring a successful law suit. It was then I inquired about baby 1011 on Adopting.com.
Natalya (Leah)- our 3rd referral came to us in early May of 06 after Amy returned to the USA
As I stated above I asked Orson Mozes about this baby after seeing her on Adopting.com. Somehow I knew she would be our daughter. She was 12 months old in the referral photos and she shares her birth date with my mother.
Our dossier had been in Kazakhstan for close to 3 weeks and we were hoping for a LOI soon.
Orson tried to talk me out of this child stating she was to "old and didn't have blond hair and blue eyes". I was shocked to think Orson thought these were the reasons for choosing the referrals we had. That couldn't have been farther from the truth, so I insisted on baby 1011. Orson was hesitant but complied and sent us baby 1011 referral photos and medical card. He then removed her photo from the Internet and promised again she would be ours. Orson went on to blame the incountry staff for both losses, and went so far to say they felt so badly for what had happened to us that they would make sure 1011 would be ours. Again my heart became attached. On a logical level I tried to remain detached, however emotion won out again. I felt foolish but I began to love her also.
When Orson called in mid June and told us we had our LOI and we should make plans to travel we were so excited. The ups and downs of our journey suddenly seemed so distant. I called the Assistant Stork to help with our VISAS and made airline reservations thru Eldo at Golden Rule Travel. We were set to leave on June 20, 2006. We were finally going to meet our daughter.
On June 17th Orson called again and this time told us we had to change our travel dates to July as the person who handles the adoptions at that baby house was on vacation and wouldn't be back till July 10th. This last lie really did me in. Now I was just going through the motions, and to make matters worse there was a 150.00$ charge to change our outbound flights. We had no choice but to bite our tongues and ride this journey out.
Candy who had since returned from Uralsk, Kazakhstan with a beautiful daughter after a nightmare of a trip, was instrumental in keeping me focused. It is in large part because of her I was able to keep my anger and frustration in check. I really wanted to lash out at Orson for all the lies and pain he had inflicted on us. A few short minutes on the phone with Candy helped renew my hope and strengthen my resolve. Adoptions were happening just not the way Orson had described.
Olga-our 4th referral came to us on July 10, the night before we were to depart JFK for Kazakhstan. I was driving to the store for last minute items to bring to Ust.
Upon arriving home, Chris and Christopher read my face and knew. What happened now? I explained what Orson had said. It was at this moment I realized that faces in photos really didnt matter, our hearts were ready to love any child. Olga was adorable as were the other three, but God was in control and had sustained us all thus far. We just had to wait for HIS plan to be revealed.
A last call to Orson from JFK Airport just before boarding drove this point home as Orson told me "I dont know whats going on over there, or what child you will get".
Walking into that baby house on July 14, 2006 was the culmination of an almost unbelievable journey of the heart. We did not know what child God had planned for us, but what we did know was the child presented to us would be loved unconditionally. This moment would define our International Adoption leap of faith.
When Leah, baby 1011 was brought into the directors office we experienced fully our miracle as it was unfolding. The gasp and spontaneous tears of joy from our son, partially camouflaged our own intense emotions. All we had been through was quickly erased,(much like the pain of natural child birth once infant is presented to mother) when they placed Leah into our arms. GOD's plan and timing was perfect.
In hind sight as I rewrite our story I realize that at this point I had yet to learn the real truth about the adoption process in Kazakhstan as it related to our experience. This education would come after spending close to a month in country and making friends with the in country staff who assisted us with our adoption. As we develope a relationship with Almagul and Sveta innocently they share with us their perceptions of what had transpired with all of our referrals. From the how and why we lost Natalia, to the agency that represented the Irish couple who adopted Marina, to the facts that Leah had been refused by 3 other families including one who had been visiting Leah just before we arrived, and finally the fact that Olga was never available for adoption at the time Orson sent her referral photo to us.
This information took some time to process as it became available and I will talk about it more in a future post.
For now I just wanted to recap and give some insight into where we were emotionally the day we met our daughter.
7/14/2006 (Original Post in Real Time)
Destination Ust Kamenogorsk
We arrived right on time in Ust Kamenogorsk. The flights were not as long as we had anticipated. At both airports AIP staff was there on time to greet us and take us to our apartment. We were given the times they would be back to pick us up and they were there on time. After arriving in Ust at 9:30am the AIP staff collected our baggage and drove us to the apartment to unload the luggage and freshen up.
the elevator
our apartment buildngSveta and Bulat our translator and driver
came back at 1:45 to pick us up and off to the baby house we went.
We were met there by Alma our adoption coordinator and were taken in to the baby house to meet with the Director. Upon entering the baby house we observed the cleanliness and felt welcomed. We were interviewed by the Head Physician and a women from the Dept of Education. We were asked what type child we were looking for, questions about us and why we chose Kazakhstan. After answering their questions the physician turned her questions to Christopher. We were so proud of the way he looked directly at her when she spoke and his answers were understood even without translation. She wanted to know if he too wanted a baby sister and would he object to sharing our attention with this young child.His English answer was an immediate YES I AM with a hugh smile. As Christopher has a warm wonderful smile I believe as they made eye contact she could see right into his heart and palpate the sincerity she found there.
After the questions, we were told they had identified a baby that they thought would be good for us and her care giver walked her in. We were 7 people sitting in an office and she walked in curious and confident. As she entered I was wishing I had 46 eyes to see everyones face. I looked at her then at Christopher who had filled up with happy tears then at Chris then back to her. She looked at everyone and the caregiver brought her immediately to me. We had brought a yellow duck puzzle book and Christopher and I enticed her with it. Within minutes of me taking her from the care giver, after a 30 sec fuss she was engaged. I don’t think she new weather she wanted to look at the book or Christopher. We got on the floor and under the watchful eyes of these officials from Kazakhstan we began our relationship with our daughter. She babbled, walked , pointed,played with the puzzle book and looked all around. After we were told of the visiting requirement of 10-12 and 4-6 everyday twice a day for 14 days it was time to leave. I had picked her up and gave her a kiss. She in turn leaned over to kiss her brother. Talk about a defining moment. The time we spent in that office though brief contains memories that will last a lifetime . The word that we use to describe this day is JOY.
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