Unanswered Prayers, Miracles and Faith

Soon after we received confirmation from Orson that the Sapp's had indeed adopted our referral Natalia, the Sapp's sent us an email. They explained the reason they didn't email us back right away was because they felt it was Orson's responsibility to tell us they had adopted Natalia. They expressed their sympathy and offered prayers.

After we regained our composure, I prayed for words and a message to send to the Sapp's. Even though our hearts were heavy with grief, our thoughts and prayers were also with the Sapp's and our baby 749 Natalia (the child we thought would be our daughter). As I sat to type our congratulations my heart in its complete humaness was consumed with pain and anger, yet I was driven to send a message of love. Through tears I typed words I must have received through prayer. We sincerely wanted to communicate to the Sapp's that in no way did we hold them responsible for our pain, and we were consciously placing our faith in God. While we received this unanswered prayer which was painful and difficult to understand, we were also giving thanks to God for the miracle unfolding in their lives.
In this re-telling of our journey, as I re-read the sent message, the confirmation from God is so evident that our miracle is coming.

Before sending the ecard we talked as a family alot, about the life circumstance's both the Sapp's and the Young's were sharing. We realized the Sapp's and their miracle would forever be tied to our daughters adoption story and each time we share our story the Sapp's and Natalia are an important chapter.
We talked about our adoption and our expectations.
Then we asked ourselves some tough questions. The likes of which required some deep soul searching and acceptance of the answers we found, but didn't necessarily like.
With biological children, were there photos and guarantees? The obvious answer. NO. So why did we have a different expectation with our adoption? Orson Mozes!
Were photo listings and referrals with medical/social information legal in the adoption process in Kazakhstan? NO.
So why did we have one?
Orson Mozes!
Did we ask questions about the process, about the country, about the legalities and the possibility of not being able to adopt baby 749 (Natalia)? YES.
It was explained to us that the ONLY way we could lose baby 749 was, if a biological parent or family member came back to claim her, or if a citizen of Kazakhstan wanted to adopt baby 749 (Natalia) before you arrived in Kazakhstan to begin the bonding process. The latter being a situation that never occurs because of the stigmatism placed on children in orphanages.
This information was all provided by Orson Mozes as he requests the 12,850.00 fee to "HOLD" this child for us. He goes on to explain that after the fee is in a fed ex envelope with a tracking number, baby 749 will be removed from the Internet photo listing and no longer available to any other interested clients. His confidence that this child will be our "daughter" is convincing.
Did we really have a right to place any child on "HOLD" for adoption?
Difficult question to answer at the time given we didnt have all the information we have today. We didn't know there was another way to adopt from Kazakhstan. We didn't know about travelling blind and that there really was never a need to pay any fee (other than an application fee) until you are paper ready to travel. Our adoption agency, AIP and its director Orsen Mozes failed to explain the ethical adoption process that was and is in place in Kazakhstan.
When we first contacted AIP it was because of our desire to adopt, and an Internet search. We found Adopting.com, perused the site and its photo listings. Baby 749's photo touched our hearts and our journey began.
The answer to the above question now that we have lost our referral (baby 749 Natalia) and retrospectively is unequivocally, NO.
We did not, and do not feel we had a right to "HOLD" any child for our adoption while gathering our documents for the dossier, or for any reason for that matter.
If there is a family at an orphanage ready to accept a child into their hearts and lives, we didn't feel it our right to have a child spend even one minute longer in an orphanage not experiencing the joy of having and being a special part of a family.
It was this revelation that provided us the most comfort to begin the task of emotionally letting go of baby 749 Natalia, the child we believed would have been our daughter.

This is a copy of the ecard I found on http://www.bluemountain.com/ and the message we sent the Sapp's. We wanted them to feel our sincere congratulations.




 
 
 
 

Dear God we need your wisdom...

Tears are flowing as reality penatrates our hearts.

Natalia (Leah) will never be our daughter, or Christopher's sister.

Christopher is sobbing.

The baby we have loved for it seems like always, has been adopted by another AIP family.

It is so hard to:

comprehend how this could have happened.
keep the anger at bay.
watch our son so hurt.
deal with this major disappointment rationally.
not let the wounded child in us act out.
not feel foolish for trusting in Orson.
realize that resigning from a job I loved was probably now, a big mistake
have faith.
trust God has a plan.

It is hard to pray when one doesn't know what to pray for.

So I ask God to fill my heart and my mouth with the words necessary to comfort my child and my husband.
I feel a major responsibility to both my husband and son to somehow comfort their pain.
I feel inadequate and vulnerable.
I decide to pray for Gods mercy and wisdom.
I struggle thru my own emotional turmoil to converse with God about my son, his pain and our situation.
My attempts at prayer are interrupted as my mind wanders to the Sapps in Ust Kamenogorsk.
I try and imagine how they must be feeling knowing now, that they have adopted our referral.
I know they experienced this same emotional pain not long before they travelled to Kazakhstan.
They too lost referrals.
I dont want them to feel anything but joy in the birth of their family and the miracle that has been granted to them.

It was then, when I began thinking of others(the Sapps) the revelation came to me.

Upon entering the Christmas Season I could pray that we the Young's be like Mary, mother to Jesus.
Let it be done unto us and accept this pain trusting God has a plan for us.
We can accept this unanswered prayer even though we do not understand it.
We can use this life lesson to teach our child faith, and trust clarity will come.

Little did I know back then, this conscious decison to trust in God would be the beginning of many miracles we were to experience on our journey to adopting our daughter Leah.

Emails

  This is the first email response from Orson after I called him to ask if the child the Sapps were adopting was our referral. We were so happy and relieved to read these words.
  Believing Orson, this is the email we sent to the Sapps who at the time were in Ust Kamenogorsk picking up their children.
 

This was Orson's reply to my first response to the email notifying us a "Big Mistake was made" I truly believe I never would have emailed the Sapp's had Orson told us the truth when we first called him about the Sapp's Natalia.
This circumstance was one of the most emotionally painful experiences an adoptive family can deal with.
Our faith was tested to the core. In retrospect we are so thankful to God for unanswered prayers and miracles.