The morning rituals of getting ready for school and work, like most families began as the alarm goes off. The dance of the morning orchestrated each day, some time in synch some time off key but always a creshendo of kisses goodbye and I Love you's.
I can not remember the happenings of the early part of the day because at that time I was employed as the Nurse Manager of Peri Operative Services. A responsibility of overseeing 5 major areas. Ambulatory Surgery, Pain Management, Endoscopy, Post Anesthesia Care Unit and Pre Admission Testing. To say I was very busy was an understatement however having some 25 years experience as an RN at this particular community hospital I was capable and confident. I loved my job and the satisfaction it brings when you make a difference in someones day.
However there was a job I loved more. Motherhood. I knew my hectic stressful days at the hospital were all but numbered now. After years of soul searching, praying and reseaching we decided in May of this year, adopting Leah was the plan God had for us. Therefore as I did when Christopher was born 11 years prior, I would be trading in my full time RN position for a return to full time stay at home Mother to our new daughter.
From the beginning of our adoption journey and similar to a regime of pre natal vitamins, daily I would log on to the internet in search of information to keep a blood level of hope to sustain us. Around November 3, 2005 I joined http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Ust-Kamenogorsk-Adoptions/ and began reading everything I could. This message board dated back to 2003 so there was alot of reading to do. It was so inspiring to read of others who successfully completed their adoptions. As I became familiar with the board it was here I first learned about blogs, and because of their post on this Yahoo board inviting all to read of their journey, I found the Sapp blog. When I clicked over to read their blog, they were home from their first trip and preparing for their return to pick up the children they had adopted. Their posts from 11/1 thru 11/19 did not contain pictures of their children. So as I read their story at this point in time I had no idea that this young couple from Illinois and the Young's from NY would share an emotional chapter in their adoption stories. I was still very new to blogs and didnt realize that one could click on the archives label and read all the older posts.
This blog I most closely followed was http://sappfamilyadoption.blogspot.com/ They were an AIP family who's foot steps eventually we would be following in, and the only blog of an AIP family I could find on the internet at that time. I read everything they had posted not only on their blog, but also on different yahoo boards and web sights. As I became familiar with their adoption journey in hindsight now I realize, they were ultimately the ones who prepared us somewhat for the twist and turn our journey would take. It was in their adoption story I first read about adoptive parents losing referrals and how emotionally devastating that experience could be. The Sapp blog begins with a sharing of the devastating heart break they experienced upon learning the children they had come to love, would not be available to them for adoption. A memorial tree and planted flowers signify the love they have for these children which will remain forever in their hearts.
Intellectually I knew lost referrals could happen. However Orson from AIP assured us "very rarely" does it happen and for limited reasons. He explained if your referral's mother or family member comes back to claim the child, or if a native Kazak couple wants to adopt your referral you could lose her. We were willing to take that chance as Orson again told us this was a rare occurance.
As I read the Sapps daily posts, I remember feeling so happy for them as they prepared for their return trip. I could only imagine the pain they had suffered at the loss of their first referrals, and I thanked God for the miracle he had granted them. Each day I would log on to follow their journey and I was so thankful they were sharing their story. I waited in anticipation to see a picture of the children they had adopted.
On Nov 22 just 2 days before Thanksgiving the anticipation was over. I saw the beautiful faces of the Sapp children. Their post dated 11/23 because of the time difference, began with 3 pictures of their son Mateo and Chris the Dad. My heart filled with joy as I saw their smiling faces. As I scrolled down the post and saw Natalia's picture my breath was taken away.....My pulse rate soared and tears began....
I didn't want to believe what I was seeing.
Our referral 7 months old photo cropped
Could their Natalia be our Natalia?
Our referral photos were of a 7 month old.
Six months had past since our photos were take, and children change alot.
Could it be another AIP family adopted our referral?
I immediately called Orson Mozes.
Orson reassured me they were not the same child.
He was convincing and I wanted so badly to believe him.
I am relieved by his words.
So much so, I email the Sapps ( who have no idea we even exist) while they were in Ust Kamenogorsk and explain to them what occured and what Orson has told me and assured me. ( I will post that original email in the next post)
I ask the Sapps to look for our Natalia, and if possible get an updated photo for us. I send them our referral photo honestly believing Orson has told us the truth. And I wait for a response from them.
As the hours pass without a return message from the Sapps, my anxiety grows. I really study the Sapps blog wanting to see more photos, and I discover the archive label.
When I click on it, I can go back to the beginning of their journey and see many pictures of both Mateo and Natalia. My heart begins to hurt as the reality of what has happened begins to sink in although no one has confirmed it as of yet. Not Orson or the Sapps.
The Thanksgiving Holiday and the preparation for it provides a temporary respite from the confirmation I know is coming. While Chris and I have experienced great dissappointment in the past we are ill prepared to witness our son's reaction to this painful revelation.
The next 48 hours are emotionally diffcult to say the least, I have so many different emotions swirlng in my thoughs. As I look at and study the pictures of Natalia, while she has changed and grown, her eyes have remained the same and we have been looking at and loving those sad blue eyes for months. I still cannot believe, I do not want to believe the obvious.
Then my thoughts turn to the Sapps. After all they have been through, now this. I am so sorry to have sent that email. I am so sorry they will come to know they have adopted our referral. Never once did I think another AIP family would or could adopt our referral. Had Orson told me the truth when I called to inquire about Natalia, I never would have emailed the Sapps. Their adoption was already complete and happiness and joy is all I would have wanted for them. Not this cloud of pain. I knew, they would know only to intimately the pain we will be suffering when it is revealed they adopted our referral.
This is the point in our adoption journey I get that sinking feeling Orson is not what he appears to be. He has lied to us, and I believe also to the Sapps.
As 2 days pass and with no word from the Sapps, the confirmation for me is complete. It is now just a matter of when and how Orson is going to tell us.
His email arrives the day after Thanksgiving. The heading says it all...
Subj: Big Mistake. We are so sorry.
Date: 11/25/05 11:49:55 AM Eastern Standard Time
From: info@...
To: cacy49@...
Sent from the Internet (Details)
Yes there was a mistake. The child the Sapps are adopting was the
same
child. I was so surprised to hear this after I pressed our attorney
to give
me both dates of birth of both the children and names and I asked how
can
this happen and he said the people at the orphanage and Ministry made
a
mistake and nothing can be done now of course.
The Sapps went blind and chose this girl and no one told them this
was girl
was taken. I asked how come our team did not know and he said the
co-coordinator did not. He said it was his mistake for not keeping on
top of
it.
I cannot believe this happened. They all said they would make it up
to you
of course and send you a beautiful girl very similar to the one you
had. You
have time until you travel so I am sure they will do just that; but
things
like this should never happen and I told them that repeatedly. I am so
sorry. The Sapps of course know this now and are also feeling bad
for you.
Please try and keep this stupid mistake in your own family because I
am so
embarrassed by this and so is everyone else involved. We will find
you a
wonderful girl under a year that will be fabulous for you; we will
begin
doing this now and every girl that we get will go to you first
Orson Mozes
Foreign Adoption Director
Adoption International Program
info@...
www.adoptioninternationalprogram.com
Toll Free 1-866-969-8445
Orson Mozes
Foreign Adoption Director
Adoption International Program
info@...
www.adoptioninternationalprogram.com
Toll Free 1-866-969-8445
Our son is devastated as he reads Orsons words. The pain we see in his eyes is almost unbearable to witness. How do we comfort him?? How do we explain to an 11 year old who has also fallin in love with this child how this happened? We stay close this night as a family and each in our own way ask God
Why?????
Lawsuit Update
On 1/10/08 litigation was filed in the U.S. District Court in Pennsylvania -
Eastern District against AIP, Orson Mozes, Christen Brown and Kevin
Anderson.
It is my understanding that Kevin Anderson has been served. The next step is locating Orson Mozes and Christen Brown his wife, in order to serve them also. The legal process continues.
